THIS FIRST EXCERPT BEGINS IN A PLANETARIUM WHERE GEORGE MATTHEWS IS CONTEMPLATING A GLOBE

GEORGE TURNS TOWARDS THE AUDIENCE AND ADDRESSES US

GEORGE I'm looking at a model of the Earth and I'm enthralled. It hangs without any visible means of support. Forces of attraction and repulsion and inertia and spin keep it there in space defined by enormous emptiness. A tear of blue in the universal night, lit by a Sun that is slowly burning up its fuel and destroying itself to shine on us, orbited by a loyal moon who worries and waxes and wanes, populated by the strangest 6 billion souls that ever existed. Strong, loving, amazing.

After everything that happened last April, the best thing to come out of it is this greater realisation that whatever happens in our lifetime, this whole world is on a long, long journey and we're just passengers for while we're here. Wherever it takes us, we might as well enjoy the ride. Cause getting there is half the fun.

A lot of things have been written about those weeks when the world went mad. The period that was the best part of April and a little bit of May. As everyone knows what happened anyway (I mean how can you not know?) I'll just mention the big facts in passing and concentrate on the little story that concerned me and Flip. But suffice it to say that those four weeks when everyone in the world got 3 wishes were possibly the most fun, the most exciting and the most, well most most weeks of my life.

Oh, this isn't a story of magic and wonder and all that, it's a story of what happened to two normal people when they had the chance to have it all. And how much they end up with.

GEORGE TAKES OFF HIS COAT TO REVEAL A SUIT. HE PICKS UP A CHAMPAGNE GLASS. THE LIGHTS CHANGE, THE SOUND AMBIENCE LIFTS AND SUDDENLY WE ARE AT HIS ENGAGEMENT PARTY

SCENE 1 THE PARTY STAGE

ATMOS: PARTY

FLIP (PLAYED BY THE SAME ACTRESS WHO WAS JUST THE GUIDE) RUNS ON IN A PARTY DRESS

FLIP I had been running late all day but when I came into the party I was looking fabulous I had to say. I had to say it you see as George so totally didn't. Instead he, predictably, said this:

GEORGE TIMES HIS CHANGE OF CLOTHES, HIS POURING OF THE CHAMPAGNE AND HIS TURN TO HIT THIS LINE EXACTLY

GEORGE You're late.

AND WE ARE IN THE SCENE

FLIP I'm always late.

GEORGE I like your watch by the way. But tonight? Late tonight? Flip!

FLIP Well, tonight, yes. Sorry. Look how it flashes all blue.

SHE SHOWS HIM HOW IT FLASHES
GEORGE IS FAIRLY IMPRESSED, BUT HIS FACE RETURNS TO BEING SCOWLY.

FLIP Didn't stop me being late though. Some watch. Bad thing. But, oh, blue.

SHE SHOWS IT TO HIM AGAIN

GEORGE LAUGHS. HE HAS FORGIVEN HER

GEORGE Honestly Flip. You'll be late for your own funeral.

FLIP Well of course I would be.

GEORGE Well, that's what I mean. You're always late Flip.

FLIP No. I mean at my own funeral I'll be the late Flip Lemmon or Matthews if you get to marry me. So of course I'll be late for my own funeral. Everyone always is late for their own funeral. It's kind of a necessity.

GEORGE Oh. I see. I never worked out that's what that means. Funny. Haha. But don't make me stop being annoyed with you for being so late, OK?

FLIP SHOWS HIM THE WATCH AGAIN

FLIP Blue!

GEORGE No, I -

FLIP So what's my punishment? Marrying you? When? Better check my watch. . . Blue!!

SHE KISSES HIM AND TURNS INTO THE PARTY

GEORGE TURNS TO TALK TO US

GEORGE It was typical of her to be late for her own engagement party, but what can you do? It's kind of why I was in love with her. Love is a constant state of exasperation with the one you love and with yourself. Am I right? This is blissful exasperation.

HE NOW TURNS INTO THE PARTY
FLIP COMES OVER TO TALK TO US. IT'S KIND OF LUCK WE'RE AN INVISIBLE GUEST AT THE PARTY. THIS CONTINUES FOR THE NEXT FEW SPEECHES

FLIP I know it exasperates him when I'm late, but he doesn't understand. I don't mean to be. Like I'm sure he doesn't mean to be so cute. He can't help it. Ooh. He's talking to Mum. Needs saving. Or does he? Let's let him suffer a little.

GEORGE She's going on about how her niece has come off the pill to try and get pregnant without her husband knowing. Oh what a wicked web we weave when first we practice to conceive. Ah, ha, yes Anne

FLIP Oh, there's thingy. Hi, Janie! Uck! She's his ex-girlfriend. I call her the Stewardess cos she's so neat and she's always smiling. I bet she knows where the loos are as well. Oh, and I know why else. She always has some nuts when she has a drink. I don't exactly hate her, but let's say while I might not want to set the world on fire, I wouldn't mind if it was just her.

GEORGE That's Flip's old boyfriend, Peter. He's in TV. He makes a show called the Fidel Castro Mysteries - whodunnits set in revolutionary Cuba where Castro and Guevara solve the case in the last five minutes of every show. We talk, and he does the decent thing of saying that he knows I make her happy. I appreciate it.

FLIP George's Dad is such a snob. I overhear him saying:

GEORGE VENTRILOQUISES HIS FATHER'S VOICE

GEORGE'S DAD Digital watches are terrible. I wouldn't give a digital watch wearer the time of day!

FLIP Umm. Ahahaha!

SHE TWISTS AWAY FROM WHERE THE VOICE COMES FROM

FLIP Finally George frees himself.

THE PARTY HUBBUB DROPS FOR A WHILE

GEORGE Having fun?

FLIP You betcha. (SINGS) It's my party and I'll sigh if I want to

GEORGE Flip. You're singing again. Nervous?

FLIP No. Tell me that you love me.

GEORGE My heart yearns for you like a plaintive kazoo.

FLIP Mmm. Mine too. See you in a minute.

THE HUBBUB INCREASES AGAIN

FLIP His sister is telling me how her current boyfriend likes to party. I say, so it's a noun and a verb, why not make it an adjective too, why not say 'he's so party.' I swear I hear the cogs clunk inside her brain.

GEORGE Over in the corner my nieces are starting a game of vertical limbo, squeezing past a bar held near a wall. Please let this be over soon. I wish it was.

FLIP Please let this be over soon. I wish it was nearly over.

GEORGE And almost suddenly, not quite, but quickly, the speeches are got through, the half life of the party is reached now fifty percent of the guests have gone. When can you leave your own engagement party? At the end? Or just before?

FLIP Should we call Dorothy? [click click click]

THEY SPEAK AT THE SAME TIME

GEORGE Hey Flip, did Dorothy make it? [click click click]

FLIP Oh, it's our code. We found out that the Wizard of Oz was both of our favourite films, so now whenever we're somewhere and we want to go home, but you can't say it out loud, we mention Dorothy and click our shoes together three times.

THE LIGHTS CHANGE. WE ARE OUT OF THE PARTY ENVIRONMENT

GEORGE We go home and we've done it. Our engagement is official. It's nice being on this bridal train. I watch her sleep and I know who my driver is and where she's taking me. The trouble was. No wait, there was no trouble then. None at all. The trouble was just about to come.

THIS NEXT EXCERPT IS THEIR FALLING IN LOVE

GEORGE Our love went through the normal stages.

FLIP We went through the taste this it's horrible stage.

THEY ARE SITTING ON THE SOFA. FLIP HAS GOT SOMETHING IN A BOWL.

FLIP Urgh! Taste this. It's horrible!

GEORGE What's wrong with it?

FLIP Taste it.

GEORGE No.

FLIP Go on. Taste it.

GEORGE I really don't want to.

FLIP Please?

GEORGE No. You said it's horrible. Why would I want to taste it? I trust you.

FLIP No, you don't understand George. When someone says taste this, it's horrible, they are telling the other person they love them. They're saying they want the other person to experience everything they do, the bitterness as well as the bliss. I know you trust me, it's not a question of trust. I just want you to share this with me.

GEORGE Oh.

FLIP Taste it?

HE DOES.

GEORGE Uch. Yuck. It's horrible.

FLIP See. I told you it was.

GEORGE But I knew it would be. You said it was. Flip, why are we arguing about this?

FLIP We have to argue. That's what couples do. Isn't it?

GEORGE Can't we be the couple that doesn't argue. The couple that gets on?

FLIP Why would we be that? People would fear us. They'd wonder what was up. They'd think we wer the Stepford couple.

GEORGE You'd rather be the Steptoe Couple?

FLIP Oh yes - 'Arold!!!

GEORGE [TO US] We went through the what are you thinking stage:

FLIP What are you thinking?

GEORGE Hmm? Nothing.

FLIP Really? What is it.

GEORGE What. Nothing.

FLIP Come on. What are you thinking?

GEORGE Who said I was thinking? I'm not always thinking.

FLIP Aren't you?

GEORGE No. Not always.

FLIP Why not?

GEORGE I'm a man. We don't think. What? That annoys you?

FLIP You're meant to be always thinking about me.

GEORGE I'm not thinking about anything.

FLIP But if you were, you'd be thinking about me?

GEORGE You are my default thought, Flip.

FLIP Good.

FLIP [TO US] We even did the hour of looking into each others eyes stage.

THEY LOOK INTO EACH OTHERS EYES FOR MAYBE A COUPLE OF SECONDS. AND THEN TURN AWAY.

FLIP [TO US] I mean that was just the end of the hour you saw there.
Things moved on, we moved on. I moved in. He moved me in ways I hadn't thought myself movable in. And the next step, well it was more a leap into the sunshine, he asked me to marry him. Well he didn't so much ask, he said. . .

GEORGE ENTERS

GEORGE Flip, would I be wrong to say you wouldn't not be thinking we'd be worse off not getting married and therefore you won't have me?

FLIP Um.

GEORGE Think carefully.

FLIP Um.

GEORGE Come on. I can't actually believe you need time to think about this.

FLIP Er. No?

GEORGE Marvellous. You don't know how happy you've made me.

FLIP Oh. What exactly have I just agreed to?

GEORGE When shall I speak to your father?

GEORGE [TO US] And then came the party, and before we knew it, everyone in the world had their 3 wishes coming true and that's the point where things changed. When what had been a fairy tale became a cautionary tale. Because once you knew your wish was going to come true you have to be even more careful what you wished for.

SCENE 4 - THE CRAZY MIXED UP STAGE

GEORGE You know what happened. It was weird. Noone's exactly sure how everyone in the world got three wishes. What seems to have happened was that the Earth passed through a cloud or something in space that kind of let us warp reality for the time we were inside it. It's vague, sure, but that's all I really know. There are better explanations. But most people called it The Cloud. Not a cloud that made things dark, though, a cloud that made them lighter, more fun.

FLIP How it worked noone knew. Why, again noone knew. That it worked was all we knew. That everyone had three wishes to get what they wanted and they better use them well.
In the first few hours most people didn't really understand what was going on. There were deathbed recoveries, amazing payouts on the lottery, found car keys that should have remained very lost. People just thought they were suddenly lucky.

GEORGE People in mid-sacking got their jobs back.
The blind saw, the deaf heard, the dim became enlightened. You were able to see the things you could become, the person you might be.

FLIP Oh, just a reminder of the rules that seemed to be governing the situation. Of course you remember them, but hey. . .
RULE ONE: Wishes were final. Once you'd had your three wishes, they were gone. There was none of this 'My first wish is for infinity more wishes.' A day after the last wish was wished your life returned to normal and you were done wishing. You had none left, you'd gone from being a onesie to a nonesie.

GEORGE RULE TWO: Nobody died and nobody was born. Nobody came into life and nobody could be wished dead. It seemed that this was a chance for everybody alive to appreciate everybody else who was alive and either do things for others or do things for themselves. Of course dead people could be wished back to life, but only it became clear, for a day. The amount of words people had wished they'd said to their loved ones that were now said, well that's a book in itself.

FLIP RULE THREE: You couldn't be absolutely sure what was going on. The length of the period, though it seems now to be very definitely finite, was not at all clear at the time. Astronomers hadn't seen the cloud coming and whilst we were in it, we couldn't be sure how long it would take to get through it. We couldn't wish to prolong or shorten the experience. And the way wishes turned out wasn't always obvious. Vagueness in wishing provided a lot of surprises. It was, while we all on it, the greatest fairground ride in history. And like all good rides, when we got off, everyone was pretty dizzy for a while.

But this isn't about everyone it's about me and my boyfriend.

GEORGE People said things have gone back to just the way they were before April. I don't think they have. Everyone I know learnt something about themselves and those they loved by what they wished for. I know I did.

THIS FINAL SHORT EXCERPT COMES AFTER A ROW

GEORGE But.

FLIP But what? But what?

GEORGE But sometimes I think it would be better if we'd never met.

FLIP Well we did meet.

GEORGE Yes, but what if we hadn't? Would we be happier?

FLIP I don't know. What do you think?

GEORGE Well. . .

FLIP You don't wish that though. Do you George? Do you?

GEORGE I - do. I do wish that. I wish we'd never met.

FLIP George.

THE WHITE LIGHT BURSTS ONCE AGAIN

GEORGE I'm sorry.

FLIP Who?

GEORGE Um. This is weird. You're in my flat? In pyjamas.

FLIP I was just going to say the same thing. This is my flat.

GEORGE Your's? No. I live here.

FLIP I'm in pyjamas. I think that implies this is my home.

GEORGE Yes, but I'm sorry, but have we met?

FLIP No, I don't think so.

GEORGE Oh. George. George Matthews.

FLIP Oh. Sorry. Philippa Lemmon. Everyone calls me Flip.

GEORGE Nice to meet you Flip. I guess I'm one of everyone so it's OK to call you that?

FLIP Yeah.

GEORGE Um, do you think this is the result of a wish?

FLIP Mine or yours?

GEORGE Well one of us could have wished ourselves into the others' flat

FLIP Did you?

GEORGE No.I don't think so. Did you?

FLIP No.

GEORGE How funny.

FLIP But this is your place?

GEORGE Yes. Certain.

FLIP Well I am too. I've lived here for ages.

GEORGE Well those are my books. Can you see any of yours?

FLIP No. I lend all mine. Never get them back.

GEORGE Funny that we've never met then, isn't it? You'd have thought we would. On the stairs at least. They're quite narrow.

FLIP Yeah, haha. (SINGS) I saw a mouse. Where? There on the stair.

GEORGE Well it is big enough for two. Shall we share?

FLIP I suppose we could. Yes. Share.

GEORGE I suppose I could take the sofa. . .

SCENE 8 THE GETTING TO KNOW YOU (AGAIN) STAGE

GEORGE [TO US] And so for the next couple of days we got to know each other again. Her singing was the sweetest thing, instead of the most annoying. Her lateness was charming. Her smile was like a new book I couldn't wait to read.

FLIP [TO US] His toilet habits were sweet. His roving eye was a challenge. His grumpiness was something I looked forward to. We had got a second chance to get to know each other. Not that we knew it at the time though.

COME AND SEE THE SHOW TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

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